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<title>Sunday mornings make me nervous (they dont feel how they used to feel) by KSven (KarateSven)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26429005">Sunday mornings make me nervous (they dont feel how they used to feel)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/KarateSven/pseuds/KSven'>KSven (KarateSven)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Cause I gotta have faith [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Warrior Nun (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Nothing to see here, They'll get better, an attempt, eventually, just some repressed teens attempt to talk about feelings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:35:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,317</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26429005</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/KarateSven/pseuds/KSven</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Ava-”</p><p>“Are you okay?” Ava blurts it out before Beatrice has a chance to say another word and she stops so abruptly that Ava almost trips over her own feet to stop with her.</p><p>“What?” She wasn’t expecting that.</p><p>OR</p><p>Two extremely repressed early 20 something's attempt to exercise and then attempt to talk about feelings.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Cause I gotta have faith [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1854451</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>252</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Sunday mornings make me nervous (they dont feel how they used to feel)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I'm sorry for any egregious grammar errors, I just wanted to get this out there. Title is taken from Tyler Glenn's song Devil.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In her young life, Beatrice was always the odd girl out. </p><p>Her parents were relentless in their mission to make her the perfect daughter. If her posture wasn’t straight enough? They made her take dance classes for three years. She yawned during Sunday services? She had bible study every weekend. Her grades weren’t high enough? She had to see a tutor every day after school until they improved. She stared a little too long at the girls on her school’s football team? She’s given a stern warning with the words <i>‘don’t be an embarrassment’</i> ringing in her ears.</p><p>Then she found the OCS, or rather, the OCS found her. </p><p>They met with her in private, and the recruiters did nothing but sing her praises. Father Vincent was particularly complimentary; he made it clear that she would thrive as a sister, that she was made for more. That she could make a difference. And for a while she did; she fought demons, trained the new recruits, served in soup kitchens, rebuilt parts of the community. She helped people, and she loved doing it. She loved the community she had grown into at the convent.</p><p>Then her whole world had blown up in her face. Literally.</p><p>The leaves from the low branches tickle her face and Beatrice jogs through the foliage; the cabin they’ve been staying in already has natural paths in the woods around the property, and Beatrice thought that it might be best to take advantage of the natural scenery. Plus, she needed some time away from the others for a bit. Between Mary’s grumpiness at being injured and the general despondency of her other sisters, Beatrice needed some time to herself to think. What better place to come to grips with your anger in the middle of the woods on a run?</p><p>Then, Beatrice hears quiet footsteps behind her; they sound arrhythmic, like the person moving around is moving in odd ways, probably to avoid being detected. That already gives her a clue as to who’s following her.</p><p>Beatrice slows her run to a walk and then, “I know it’s you Ava.”</p><p>There’s the sound of someone tripping and then crashing to the ground, followed by a yelp, and Beatrice sighs. She turns around and sees Ava, who is pushing herself up from falling face first into the dirt. She looks sweaty and a little put out as she gets to her feet and brushes the soil off her tank top.</p><p>“You know it’s really freaky how you guys do that.” She grumbles, pulling a twig out of her hair.</p><p>Beatrice fights a smile, “no offense, but you’re not very subtle.”</p><p>“Yeah well, I missed stealthiness seminar.” She grins at that, tucks her hands behind her, and kicks at the rocks on the trail nervously. Beatrice tracks the movement and frowns.</p><p>“Is there a reason you’re out here?” Ava looks up at Beatrice, her expression shifting from worry, apprehension, and a distinct deer-in-the-headlights look that only Ava seemed to possess. Where the rest of the sisters were careful about revealing how they actually felt, Ava was more of an open book. When she was sad you always knew, in the same way you always knew when she was happy or scared. Beatrice would never admit it out loud, but it was refreshing to be around someone who had very little qualms about expressing how she felt. </p><p>Right now, however, it was making Beatrice suspicious. </p><p>Ava kicked another rock away, and instead sauntered forward and bumped Beatrice with her shoulder. “Maybe I just wanted to hang out with you.”</p><p>Beatrice quirks one eyebrow at her (ignoring the way the skin underneath her long sleeved shirt warmed at Ava’s touch) and cocks her head to the side. Ava sighs and adds, “also Camila said that my ‘constant hovering around the house’ was stressing her out.” She shrugs, and Beatrice tracks the way her tan shoulders move in the sunlight. She looks away.</p><p>“So!” Ava says, clapping her hands together. “How was your run?”</p><p>“Well I wasn’t exactly finished with it before you found me.” Beatrice propped her hands on her hips, slowing down her breathing. “I suppose I can walk the rest of the way.”</p><p>Beatrice watches as Ava licks her lips, and takes a deep breath to steel herself. “I mean I could run with you.” She says, shifting her feet, “if you want.”</p><p>Beatrice quirks an eyebrow at Ava again. “You want to come running with me?”</p><p>“Well I mean yeah,” Ava motions to her body, emphasizing her track shorts and tank top. “I even dressed for it.” </p><p>Beatrice is silent; her eyes moving down and tracing Ava’s legs, which look longer in her tiny shorts. She looks up and maps the curve of her neck and the dip of her collarbones and God. Ava’s obliviousness is usually endearing, but she has no idea what she’s doing to her, how beautiful she looks in the morning sunlight and Beatrice-</p><p>Well. Beatrice doesn’t have the peace of mind to start unpacking all of the feelings swirling around inside her and what they all mean. Best to just shove it down and figure it out later.</p><p>Possibly never.</p><p>“Sure,” she says. Then she grins, her smile mischievous, “try and keep up.”</p><p>______________</p><p>Ava lasts twenty minutes.</p><p>In retrospect Beatrice should have probably expected that a girl who’s spent most of her childhood bedridden wasn’t prepared to run five miles in uneven terrain. But Ava had looked so sweet and excited that she had agreed to it.</p><p>Well, it’s the thought that counts.</p><p>Ava wheezes against the nearest tree, hands on her knees and looking thoroughly put out now as she huffs and puffs. Beatrice wants to be irritated, wants to be annoyed that Ava interrupted her run twice, but she’s not. In fact, she kind of wants to burst out laughing, but she refrains on behalf of Ava’s bruised ego.</p><p>“What <i>are</i> you?” Ava pants, glaring at Beatrice. </p><p>“I really wasn’t going that fast.” Beatrice pressing her lips together in mirth. Ava glares at her before she straightens up, placing her hands on her hips and tilting her head back. Beatrice feels her laughter stall in her throat as she watches Ava’s chest rise and fall with her breathing. Watches as sweat runs down her neck, towards her collarbone, and down-</p><p>Beatrice looks away chastises herself internally. She’s a <i>nun</i> for God’s sake. The very least she could do is not leer at her friend. </p><p>“No wonder you guys can take out so many demons.” Ava huffs, “you’re all basically terminators.”</p><p>Beatrice feels a smile threatening to appear on her face so she checks the time instead. Her watch reads 11:41 in the morning, and Beatrice realizes she’s been gone almost an hour. She gently nudges Ava, and tilts her head toward the path that will lead them back to the cabin. Ava only nods in response, still winded from her short jog.</p><p>“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Beatrice says, leading them back to the house.</p><p>They don’t talk much on their walk back; Ava is still trying to catch her breath and Beatrice gets the sense that she’s taking in the sight of so much undisturbed nature. Ava is so boisterous and goofy she forgets she’s only experienced a small fraction of what the world has to offer. Plus, Beatrice has secretly come to like watching Ava; everything is shiny and new to her and in many ways, it makes Beatrice appreciate what she does have.</p><p>When they’re about ten minutes away from the cabin, Ava finally speaks. “So, like,” she starts, “why’d you leave so early for this?”</p><p>Beatrice steps carefully over a large boulder, “A nine AM run is not early.” She says, “that’s poison ivy, don’t touch that.” Ava yelps and jumps away from the small bush she was about to walk through. “I would usually get up at five in the morning for runs at the convent.”</p><p>Ava makes a disgusted noise, “Jesus, you are a terminator.”</p><p>“Language.” </p><p>“Yeah, yeah,” Ava waves her comment away, focusing now on not tripping over her own feet once the path starts to slope downward. “But…you know-” She cuts herself off, her words stuttering to an abrupt halt, and Beatrice is starting to get the impression that Ava is trying to say something to her but doesn’t actually know how to say it.</p><p>“Early morning runs are relaxing for me.” She says, “they allow me a moment to be in my own head without distractions.” </p><p>There’s a short paused before Ava says, “right. Cool.” They continue walking in silence, but one that’s charged with words that Ava will not say. Ava’s body language is tense and hesitant, and Beatrice wants nothing more than to address whatever’s happening in her head.</p><p>“Ava-”</p><p>“Are you okay?” Ava blurts it out before Beatrice has a chance to say another word and she stops so abruptly that Ava almost trips over her own feet to stop with her.</p><p>“What?” She wasn’t expecting that.</p><p>“I mean you’re like,” Ava waves a hand around, “super badass and stuff, but you know you seem a little-” she trails off, her eyebrows knitting as she tries to find the right words. “You seem sad, is all.”</p><p>“I’m not sad.” Her answer is quick, instinctual, and Ava blinks at her.</p><p>“Oh, well, I mean-”</p><p>“I’m not sad Ava.” Beatrice says again, and she means to leave it at that, she really does. But she finds herself continuing without really thinking about it, “I’m- I think I’m angry.”</p><p>Her friend had clearly not been expecting that answer, “i- oh. Okay. I didn’t-”</p><p>“You don’t- you don’t need to- It’s fine, honestly-” Beatrice starts, not really prepared to dive into any of her feelings, but Ava barrels on.</p><p>“No- okay wait.” Ava grabs Beatrice’s wrist and she freezes, all nerve endings in her body focusing on the one point of contact between them. She takes a deep breath, seeming to steady herself, her eyes finding Beatrice’s with an intense amount of focus. “you’re angry?” </p><p>Beatrice bristles at her tone, and Ava seems to wince at her own incredulity. After everything that’s happened, Beatrice has every right to be angry. In the span of days Beatrice had lost her sister, her home, and her sense of stability. She might look calm and collected next to the other sisters but in reality, she felt as lost as the rest of them. </p><p>“<i>Yes.</i>” Beatrice resists the urge to pull her arm away, “We’re running from the church, my friend was killed by my priest, Lilith came back from hell, we’ve probably been excommunicated, and-”</p><p>“No, no, wait.” Ava says, a flush high on her cheeks. “I don’t mean that you shouldn’t be pissed off. I just-” she looks away, her eyes focusing on the ground “I thought you were mad at me.”</p><p>Beatrice blinks. It wouldn’t be totally unwarranted for her to be angry at Ava, and the circumstances she created for their little group. Ava did upend the entire structure of the OCS and disrupted pretty much every aspect of their lives from the moment she stepped through the door. Maybe she <i>should</i> be angry at her. </p><p>But she isn’t. Not by a long shot.</p><p>“No.” Beatrice says, and the words come out softer then she wants them too. “I’m not angry at you. It’s more of a-” her focus zeroes in on how Ava is looking at her, her big brown eyes soft, and for a split second she loses her train of thought. She clears her throat, “it’s more of an anger at our sucky situation.”</p><p>Ava breathes out a lungful of air in relief, then straightens. Her brown eyes find Beatrice’s and she feels her heart beat painfully against her ribs. She feels like she’s having an out of body experience, like shes being possessed, and <i>Ava is still touching her.</i></p><p>“Bea, I um-” there’s a flush painting her cheeks now, and Beatrice has the insane urge to kiss them. “I’m not good at, you know, <i>talking.</i>” Ava says, rubbing the back of her neck with her free hand. “But if you need to talk about stuff, then I’m here. For you. For talking.” She winces at her own awkwardness, and takes her hand back to fiddle with her own fingers.</p><p>“Sorry,” Ava is smiling at her now in a self-deprecating way, “that sounded a lot better in my head.” </p><p>Beatrice doesn’t know what possesses her to do what she does, what power suddenly takes control of her limbs. But she reaches out and tucks a piece of Ava’s brown hair behind her ear. Ava’s breath hitches and her eyes widen, and Beatrice feels a thrill run through her at the reaction. Her fingers linger on Ava’s cheek for a few seconds longer before she withdraws her hand.</p><p>“No need to apologize.” She’s only a little mortified to find that her voice is rougher than it was before.</p><p>Ava lets out a high nervous laugh as she sputters for several seconds, and waves it away. Beatrice notes how her face is turning redder by the minute, and Ava doesn’t seem to know what to do with her hands. She decides to throw her a lifeline.</p><p>“Let’s go back to the cabin.”</p><p>Ava stops, a look of relief crossing her features, “yeah.”</p><p>As they turn and start heading back down the trail, Beatrice says one last thing. “Ava?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Thank you.” Her voice goes soft again and Beatrice thanks God for the fact that none of the sisters are around to hear it. “For asking about me. It means a lot.”</p><p>Ava grins at her, and Beatrice expects a smarmy comment. However, Ava’s face softens and she says, “of course.” </p><p>Beatrice is absolutely <i>not</i> going to explore how her heart seems to contract at that.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>come yell at me at @shadehunters on tumblr if u want</p></blockquote></div></div>
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